You have to let go of the dream

One of the most difficult adjustments that parents of young adults with complicated launchings have to make is a re-examination of the dream. An occasional misstep is of no particular importance. People mess up. Anyone can have a bad semester. When a semester becomes a year, becomes 2 years, etc., everything seems up for grabs. When foolishness becomes felony charges, or student housing becomes a rehab facility, the world is suddenly turned upside down.

The young adults had their own dreams. They are now in an ongoing scramble to regain their footing. Some days it actually feels possible. There is little choice but to continue and figure it out along the way. There is no going back. Once the young adult figures out that time marches on, they can start to make progress.

The hardest part, young adults tell me, is the disappointment that their parents experience. Parents had sent them off with feelings of pride. They had done their job. Now it was up to the young person. And the young person had let them down in ways that were never imagined. And it is still going on!! They are not supposed to be at home in their bedroom going to the local community college. Yet, here they are. It can be very painful for everyone. The challenge is not to get stuck in the disappointment

It is not what happens to you in life as much as what you do with it. Some wise person said something like that, and I believe it. There is room in the world for “late bloomers.” Everyone just has to realize that their particular young adult is one. If parents can get past the pain, grieve the loss of the dream, and believe that their young person will figure it out, then hope in the future returns and anything is possible.