Important but not mandatory

It is not easy to stick with something that is important but not mandatory. So many things meet those conditions. So much that is good for a person can be seen as important but not mandatory, eg., exercise, flu shots, eating healthy, going to class, studying. My blog fell into that category. It was subtle at first. I got busy; other things going on. The usual excuses work here. Pretty soon the visions I had for it became illusive. The blog was still there. I still directed people to it. After all, there was a lot of good information and thoughts worth sharing to be found. Three years after my last entry, I am ready to resume my efforts.

Many questions remain unanswered: Will I keep it up? How often will I write? What will I do to garner support and readers? Why will I bother?

These are the same kinds of questions that I ask my young adult patients every day. Often for these young people their education has become important but not mandatory. (Or, is it: Mandatory, but not now? Which means that it is not really mandatory). The word mandatory implies a command, an obligation, a commitment to comply. When the IRS letter says that “response is mandatory within 30 days,” they mean it. And if you are the recipient of such a letter, it is wise to comply with the directive. There are often serious consequences when mandates are ignored. The yellow warning light to check your engine is important; the red warning light is a mandate to turn off the vehicle as soon as possible or risk destroying the engine. It is important to know the difference.

I know the difference between important and mandatory. My readers tend to know the difference. The young adults who have complicated launchings do not know the difference. Worlds collide when parents assume that the young adult is operating from the same mandatory perspective regarding their college education as the parents. Even if the students say that they understand that a college degree is mandatory, it is not always a concept that they know how to live out daily.

The student has to answer the same kinds of questions: How will I approach school? Will I make a commitment to attend all classes? When will I do the work? How will I assure that I am up for my first class? Why will I bother?

How do parents know if the commitment is real? The student goes to classes. She finishes the work. He knows when deadlines are coming up. The student has a plan and is following through. When school is not rewarding and it feels like a slog through mud, it shows. Grades are poor; classes are dropped. There is no talk of internships or applying for special programs. There is no plan beyond the semester. The student has not asked and answered the questions: “Why am I in school? What do I hope to accomplish? Where am I headed?’ The young adult who grapples with these questions is more apt to make decisions that will determine whether education is mandatory, or important but not mandatory.